the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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