Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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