I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
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