This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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