Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
