we have pet lesbian snakes
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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