your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
