the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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