so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just gargled with NyQuil
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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