I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
