There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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