I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
