Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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