her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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