I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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