i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
