the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
