3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Less talking, more tequila
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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