I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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