yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
