drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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