Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
