dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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