with your own penis?
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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