life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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