I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
