and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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