2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
My breasts were aching with rage.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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