My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
