There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
