My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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