my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
whose ass print is on the piano?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
