At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
