You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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