I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
