if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
