I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
