New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
