Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
