How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
