i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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