Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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