Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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