so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
