I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
