is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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