If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
