What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
