I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
