Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
