No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
