It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
