He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
It's never too late to be topless.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
