I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
