Capitaan dildo arrescate!
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He called his prostate his "boner button".
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
