maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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